Lobster soup recipe

Billionaire’s Bisque: Lobster Soup for Mere Mortals (or at Least Those With a Second Mortgage)

This recipe is guaranteed to impress your dinner guests (or at least make them very, very jealous). It’s a luxurious twist on the classic lobster bisque, with a healthy dose of humor to keep your bank account from crying too much.

Ingredients:

• 1 live lobster (or a very convincing picture of one you found online) Warning May come with a side of existential dread at the thought of boiling a sentient creature. Fear not, friends, frozen lobster meat works just fine (and won’t judge you silently).
• 2 tablespoons olive oil (or a drizzle of your most expensive truffle oil, if you’re feeling fancy) Because, hey, if you’re already spending a small fortune on lobster, might as well go all in, right?
• 1 onion, diced (or one of those pre-chopped bags if you’re feeling fancy… lazy) We all have our budget-cutting moments.
• 2 carrots, diced (feel free to use baby carrots for extra cuteness… or to stretch the illusion of more vegetables)
• 2 celery stalks, diced (because every fancy soup needs a little celery crunch)
• 4 cloves garlic, minced (or a whole bottle of pre-minced garlic if you’re feeling fancy… impatient) We won’t tell anyone if you take shortcuts, pinky promise.
• 1 cup dry white wine (or leftover chardonnay from last night’s pity party… celebration?)
• 4 cups chicken broth (or vegetable broth if you’re a fancy-pants vegetarian)
• 1 (28-ounce) can crushed tomatoes (because even fancy people use canned goods sometimes) Don’t be a snob!
• 1 tablespoon tomato paste (because sometimes canned tomatoes need a little friend)
• 1 bay leaf (or a sprig of fresh rosemary if you’re feeling fancy… like you own a fancy herb garden)
• Salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste (because even fancy food needs basic seasoning)
• 1 pound lobster meat, cooked and chopped (or a hefty chunk of your life savings)
• Heavy cream (optional, for an extra decadent touch… or to mask the slight feeling of financial despair)
• Freshly chopped parsley, for garnish (or a sprig of something green you have leftover in the fridge) Because presentation is key, even if your wallet is screaming.

Instructions:

1. Convince your lobster to give up its life for your bisque (or skip this step entirely and thaw your frozen lobster meat). Feel free to make up a dramatic backstory about its lifelong dream of becoming a delicious soup.
2. Heat the olive oil (or truffle oil, if you’re feeling fancy… broke) in a large pot over medium heat. Sauté the onion, carrots, and celery until softened, about 5 minutes. (Feel free to sing them a show tune to keep them company).
3. Add the garlic and cook for another minute, because raw garlic is a social faux pas.
4. Pour in the wine (or leftover chardonnay, because who are we to judge?) and scrape up any browned bits from the bottom of the pot. Let it simmer for a few minutes to allow the alcohol to cook off (or pretend to cook off, if you’re feeling fancy… thirsty).
5. Add the chicken broth (or vegetable broth, if you’re a fancy-pants vegetarian), crushed tomatoes, tomato paste, bay leaf (or rosemary, if you’re feeling fancy… like you attended finishing school), salt, and pepper. Bring to a boil, then reduce heat and simmer for 20 minutes.
6. Remove the bay leaf (or rosemary sprig, if you’re feeling fancy… forgetful). Add the lobster meat and heat through for a few minutes.
7. (Optional, for the truly fancy… or financially irresponsible): Stir in some heavy cream for an extra decadent touch.
8. Puree the soup with an immersion blender (or in batches in a regular blender, if you’re fancy… own a fancy blender). You can leave it a little chunky or go for a completely smooth texture, depending on your preference (or the limitations of your appliance).
9. Serve hot, garnished with freshly chopped parsley (or that leftover green thing from the fridge).

Enjoy your Billionaire’s Bisque (or, you know, just your delicious lobster soup)